Thou Vile Cabbage!

Speaking of insults, I love the old-style insults that called attention to some one's character, rather than body parts or excrement. Some of the best insults comes from Shakespeare, who was just as creative in making war as he was at making love, apparently. When I say the word "bastard" I mean it in that old-fashioned sense, like Edmund in King Lear:

"As honest madam's issue? Why brand they us
With base? with baseness? bastardy? base, base?
Who, in the lusty stealth of nature, take
More composition and fierce quality
Than doth, within a dull, stale, tired bed,
Go to the creating a whole tribe of fops,
Got 'tween asleep and wake?
...Now, gods, stand up for bastards!"

To see an excellent clip of a chilling Edmund the Bastard literally biting off his lines, look here.

As for general insults, there is also a great Shakespearean Insult Generator available too. Some of my favorites are:

• "You are as rheumatic as two dry toasts." –Henry IV
• "Thou burly-boned sheep-biting baggage!"
• "O illiterate loiterer! "
• "Thou pribbling full-gorged popinjay!"
• "Thou rank rude-growing clack-dish!"